14. xi. 2022. Y went for a woak widd the nyt ov the hil and autlynd my thëry on the træd-of bitween cultur and cumfort, wich he seemd to folœ. Its yrònik, to sæ the least, that the mor literat the werld bicums, the mor cultural ambicion it apeers to looz. We sat on aur fávorit bench and còntemplæted dusk. The sun seting bitween the clauds wos a dramàtik vu. Eevning has foalen upon me, and heer Y sit at thee end ov anudder dæ, drinking my tee, lissening to Debussy and Forqueray. Y spent much ov the dæ werking on my spìritual leter. The prair to Afrodíty is riten daun. Y can œnly hœp thee eròtik conträst wil ad mor depth to the werk. Weel see if Yl ever be free from a shadœ that has oalwæs haunted my ryting. Sumwum helpt me to lœcát a vinil Yd been serching for yers, an LP Y uezd to lissen to oalmœst evry dæ wen Y wos ten: three Beethoven sonâtas plæd by Ashkenazy. Y recoal my grandfawdder siting bihynd me as we bœth lissened to Les Adieux. Nœ stargæsing tonyt. Having finisht the leter on meditácion, Y cawnt sæ Ym partìcularly hapy, but Y stand by my thoats as Y advàns them. Y had a long conversácion widd my brudder abaut légal maters and it wos enlytening to heer his considerácions on diferent äreas ov constitucional loa. Then Y lissend to Chopins mazurkas. Y can see hau sum fynd them frivolos, but ah, the hiden tresurs in sœ meny ov them, the fresh emócion Y stil feel wen Y heer thoes péces widd the sæm luv ov the ferst tym… Y hav nœ werds to exprèss the müving memorys that mæk me crey widd joy and longing for wot nau lys far bihynd, thœs sumer eevninns in Hamburg, the nytly woaks along the woater and the park, the cheez and wyn gadderinns widd frends by candel-lyt, a werld that seems sœ remót nau and yet stil sœ much alyv in evrything Y am. Yl gœ to bed and wæk up tomorœ for anudder lìberæting session ov meditácion. Y need its passivity, for oal my activ pròjects ar frustrácions. Y hav nœ wun hoo bilévs in them and Y meet nœ wun hoo tæks me sëriosly. My atèmpt to bring atencion to Emily and the Hermit didn werk ydder. Y hav evry réson to folœ Epicurus: liv hiden. My unnœn ryting is enuf to keep me alyv. Yesterdæ Y went for a woak widd Martin in thee enchânted forest, the mœst lìberæting plæs in the werld. The sun set and Y soa the redish claudy hæz œver the hils. My werk on the Carolingian contìnues, and Yv been revísing Totila, quyt hapy widd the colóquial dymension Ym ading, còntributing to the póems orality. Ym surprízd at hau much Y can understand Midel Inglish póetry, reeding Havelok the Dæn. Y shal sleep nysly tonyt. Its ræning.

a diary by the knight of the holly,
with coded hints for the initiated

09. xii. 2022. Yv just lit a candel. Its oalmœst hawf pàst foor, the sun set abaut hawf an hower agœ, but the sky is stil lyt, widd that butiful winter hæz œver the Sauth Dauns. Its a maggik cùlor blend, contrâsting the red and pink ov the lower hevens widd the cœld bloo ov the hils. In frunt ov that distant pictur, the brànches ov too leefless trees, smoal and big. Y plæ sumthing from Schuberts winter jerny wyl Y louk at the quíet shadowy corners ov my candel-lit spæs. Y heer the noiz ov a car on the street, pàssing by evry nau and agen. Thee ezzistencial dissatisfaccion is the sæm, and for a móment Y delúd myself into a bileef that, had Y livd my lyf dìferently, Y shoud be hapier. It tæks wizdom to nœ that nœ lyf livd, hawever pérfectly led, woud bring lawsting hapiness. A diferent lyf, ha! Hwot woud it hav given me? Just the feeling Yv dun mor thinns, lyk evrywun els? Woudn Y feel unhapy for dearing less? My few minuts ov meditácion in the morning ar the spìritual hylyt ov my dæ. Y ryt this as if, Y dœn nœ, Y wer redy to dy. Its a vertu ov few to be redy to dy. Wyl Y admyer the sunsets awftertæst in the hæz, in the nau darkend sky, widd just a bludshot stryp bitween the hils, Y nœ Y hav nuthing to ad. Y heer the werld dryving pàst my windœ, and Y nœ wot Y wonted to sæ to eech car, but œnly thœs hoo conker the werld can mæk themselvs herd, and the werld is wun ov thœs plásses that can œnly be conkerd by blud or lys. Sœ meny thinns plæ agenst mee. My œnly opcion is quíetly to droa my breth and clœz myn ys as if nuthing wer thear. Ym ryt in sum wæs, for ùltimatly its oal cars dryving by, and Ym just the air Y breedd. Y must trooly free myself from the thoat Y wos supózd to achév enything, as if deth didnt awæt me lyk eniwun els, as if the gœls wer realy werth pursúing. Y can œnly cary on living hiden widd Epicurus, hœping Yl liv wel and enuf, but not as much as to be pur and invalid. Y mustn let it cum to this. My lyf is wæ to helthy for a man hoo canot aford the berden ov a frail œld ægg on his œn. Y hav to dy bifor. But the pork filet Y had for lunch wos delicios. For the móment Ym fyn.

28. xii. 2022. The munth has dissapeerd in the blink ov an y. Kristmas tym is butiful. Ym spending it the Tudor wae, widd candels, goud food and dècorácion including holy, yvy and ew, wich Y cut myself. Y fínaly wocht The Lawst Kingdom on Netflix, awfter Natascha spent yers awsking me to. The sërees dèfinitly arauzd my curiossity and Y faund myself reeding a graet deel abaut King Alfred, his successors and prédecessors. The Págan Daens hoo caem as Vykinns difer litel in cultural terms, Y woud sae, from thee Angels, Saxons and Joots that arívd too centurys erlier. Not surprísingly, the werd Vyking wosnt uzd widd eny ethnik conotácion, it ment aparently pírat. Thee oenly diferens from thee udder Germanik inváders is that the Norsmen caem laeter, leeving from the coest ov Norwae and ferdder äreas ov Denmark lyk Kattegat, and had mor sofìstikaeted skils ov navigácion. From reeding to reeding Y stumbeld on Sub-Róman Britan. Yv been giving much thoat to the transicion from Romàno-British to Anglo-Saxon ruel. Y can imàggin a co-ezzìstens ov pésful and víolent senärios, widd lócal populácions decíding to yeeld, mygrát or fyt bak. The lak ov sorces fassinaets me. This eevning Y was reeding Gildas Ruin ov Britan. Y didn noe the Rómans had treyd, if thee acount is corèct, to prepair the British agenst foren ataks. Its understandabel that the lonning for leedership in the fais ov a lost cauz left its mark oalsoe in pépels mistik creativity and paevd the wae for a powerful leggend. King Arthur fils the gap ov this ydéal lord. His imagg reflècts a folkloristik embelishment ov sum ov thee històrikal yet obscur leeders hoo succéded in resìsting and holting the Germanik invásion, deláying it for a few dècaeds. King Arthur sìmbolyses pépels quest for a Róman lyt to opóz the darkness, and the goests, left bihynd in thee abandond citys.

29. xii. 2022. Anudder morning spent in exíted speculácion on the Batel ov Mons Badonicus. Thee uncertanty abaut daets is wot feeds my mynd. Y bileev the batel wos foat bitween 480 and 520. Wot a sad faet for a cultur to cum to this, that it leevs noe riten tèstimony to posterity. And wot a sad staet is aurs, too, widd soe meny texts onlyn that hardly eny wil be ever red, oal shal draun in a torent ov ignorans, indiferens and mediocrity. Weer at the bigining ov anudder midel aegg, in a similar declín ov educácion and liberal arts, fácing this incréssing yet unbearabel lak ov cultural ambicion amung the masses. It oenly maeks sens that Gildas wos born in the midel ov the 5th century, wen certan educácion standards wer stil aválabel. His refínd Latin styl coud not be lernt in the 6th century. This is a thëry Y can contemplaet: Vortigern, if he trooly ezzìsted, enterd into an agrément widd wun ov the Saxon grueps that wer just setling in suddern Ingland, a contract stìpulaeting proteccion for páment. Awfter a wyl thee aránggment went arey, and the biter dissagrément ended up in bludshed and massaker. This gruep, probably setled in Sussex, acted on its oen. Ther wos noe coordinácion widd udder Saxons, sins eech smoal setelment wos autonomos. Nevertheless, its víolent inkersions reacht Sury, sum ov Hampshir and the Thems valy. Eevn thoe the campán must hav lawsted noe lonner than a few mundds, it wil hav left a májor traumàtik impact. Public trust in the sáfty ov erban lyf, oalredy damaggd awfter the Pictss raeds, wos nau irèparably shaterd. The next twenty to therty yers soa a colàps ov mutual trust bitween Germanics and the Romàno-British, and a multiplicácion ov lócal armd conflicts that woud culminaet in the batel of Mons Badonicus. Thee autcum wos not quyt a pirik victory for the Romàno-British, as it probably holted Anglo-Saxon expansion for oalmoest too generácions. It broat pees, it is troo, but noe prosperity. In the lak ov proper diplomàtik relácions, wot foloed wos rawdder a tens and uncertan ceesfyer. It aloud the Germanik setelments to incrés in number and populácion. Lócal leeders gràdualy bicum rulers, eldermen and kinns, emérgging from biter infyting widdin ther oen gruep as wel as widd udder Saxon setelments. And lawstly thae charggd, wuns mor, agenst the stagnáting remánder ov the Róman provins. In less than a generácion, thae assúmd contról ov moest ov suddern Ingland and much ov the north. Thee aegg ov Sub-Róman Britan wos oever.

30. xii. 2022. We had a nys monòpoly gaem widd candel-lyt and Tudor musik, but Ym oalwaes dredful at it. Tomoroe Y myt cut sum mor yvy to keep the Kristmas dècorácion gowing. Y did my abdominals this morning, wich wos badly needed. Yl certanly hav to get uezd to a new rutén awfter the festiv indùlggens. Ym planing to baek my carot caek for New Yers Eev, as Y woent be skyping widd Stefano. A lavish awfternoon it shal be. Y cawnt understand hau reserchers stil wunder wy Oeld Inglish touk oever British Latin. Just louk at the numbers. Róman Britan never had mor than foor milion inhabitans, at the start ov the Sub-Róman aegg it wos wun milion. The capital Londinium, nau Lundon, never had mor than 60.000 soels, and this in the second century. Compair that widd the numbers in Gaul and yool see the discrepansy. Thee arkeològgikal evidens points to Anglo-Saxon mass mygrácion to äreas lyk Kent and Eest Anglia, weer toaking abaut up to 200.000 mígrants aríving widdin a century, then ad prócreaeting to that. At the saem tym, consìder the mass exodus ov Romàno-Britons to Britany and Galicia, fleeing instability. It wos cleer Latin wos gowing to be autnumberd. Hoo on erth spoek Latin in Britan? Thoe the Rómans had had foul mìlitary contról ov wot is nau Ingland and Waels, oenly a part ov the tèritory wos Rómanyzd. Eevn then, Rómanyzd dusn mean evrywun spoek fluënt Latin. It simply means moest pépel wer bylìngüal: the lower yor sócial clàss, the purer yor comând ov Latin. Yood speek an Oeld British langüagg insted. Very few woud convérs in Latin oenly: maenly the hyer clàsses and thee administrácion. Thae wer the ferst to leav wen thinns started terning sawer widd noe prospect ov cheking thee Anglo-Saxons militärily. Thae coud aford to leav. Thoes hoo coudnt, on thee udder hand, didn need to bodder carying on speeking a langüagg ov lost prestégg. Oalddoe Latin at wun point wos very wydly spoeken and understoud, it wos never the mudder tung ov the majority. Ther had never been foul assimilácion ov Róman cultur in Britan. Gaul had been seteld widd an unrelènting influx ov Róman citisens. The Latin thae broat widd them oeverpowerd the lócal Keltic tung. Ther wos noe such influx into Britan. The bulk ov the populácion wos not Róman citisens èmigraeting dyrèctly from Italy, but lócal Keltic Britons treying to assimilaet sum ov the màsterss cultur – wyl stil keeping, under a veil ov assimilácion, meny ov ther oen tradicions alyv, inclúding the langüagg.

03. i. 2023. Bitween 450 and 550, Britan is a cuntry ov noe history. To mee, wun ov the moest puzling questions is this: hwer ar the sorces? Hau is it possibel that such a long përiod is oenly discùst by Gildas as a neer contèmporary? Decáy, declín, stagnácion, èxodus, erban colàps... fyn, Y realyz that. But pépel doen just stop ryting. Ther wos decáy in Roem and Gaul as wel, and pépel stil roet leters, we hav survíving documents. Tràggedy dusn maek ew stop ryting, it maeks ew eeger to repórt it. Y apréciaet oenly few coud ryt. That stil means a lot ov documents coud and shoud, nae wil hav been prodúst. Hwer ar thae? Yl grànt that meny get lost, its natural, but that dusnt explán wy oenly Gildas survívs. Gildas sofìstikaeted styl impléys an elét audiens cápabel ov reeding it. And yet we noe nuthing ov its impact at the tym. We doent eevn noe the adressés. Undoutedly, at least sum kynd ov corespòndens cérculaeted amung thee elét. Hwy is evrything lost? Maebe thae destróyd it themselvs. But hwy woud thae? Maebe thee èmigraeting hyer clàss touk it into exyl to Britany or Galicia. But wos ther vértualy nuthing left in Britan? Maebe it wos oal destróyd by thee Anglo-Saxons. But woud thae realy managg to eráz simply evrything? Or perhaps it wos left to rot by the fleeing elét. The left bihynds and ther children just didn lern to ryt, revérting to Iron Aegg standards. Y doen noe. Pelay dyd, the foutboal king. And Bolsonaro is fínaly gon, at least for the tym being. Its a blessing to hav soe much raen. Thers nuthing wers than three suny daes in a roe.

11. i. 2023. Just finisht reeding Highams bouk on thee Anglo-Saxon werld. The descripcion ov York and its hyggénik standards in thee eleventh century wosnt inspíering, especialy reeding it bifor lunch. It wos quyt a rèvelácion to discùver an onlyn arkív widd milions ov bouks that wil be soe uesful to me. Y spent a few yers in thee assumpcion Y wos pérmanently cut of from akadèmik reserch, living in the cuntrysyd. The quolity ov the bouks is amásing, Y am taeken widd ther concept ov borowing. Y intend to read mor on Sub-Róman Britan and thee Anglo-Saxons. Y praktist the piano agen sum daes agoe. It wos the ferst tym in mor than a yer. Y didn plae as bad as Y thoat, thoe Ym far from being a pianist. Y trooly feel lyk a shiprek on thee Œshan ov musik. Regardless hau much Y praktis, my rendicion wil never be an acùmplisht perfórmans. Yd need to plae much mor often to eevn start to contemplaet oevercuming, sum dae, the clumzyness ov my finngers. Y can oenly plae widd noe wun araund to lissen. Y doen plae for udders enjoiment, its not from mee thae shoud heer that forth pees ov Schumanns Bunte Blätter, Ziemlich Langsam. Wen Y tuch the kees, Y plae to lul myself and mergg into an expëriens that noebody els shoud be expózd to, as it oenly means sumthing to mee. Y doen wont it to mean enything to enywun els. Y oepen the dor to a werld hwer Y am aloen, and that is oenly myn wen Y woak aloen throo it. Y can oenly shear my amateur rendicions widd myself, Y canot toleraet a soel lissening to them. Oenly this wae can Y be myself widdin musik. Oenly this wae can Y forget thee auter relm and looz myself into the werld Y wont to be myn for a wyl.

13. i. 2023. Hwot to do on Frydae the 13th? Just enjoy yor luk! Yv been editing my propósal to the council as sum ov the werding needs to be imprúvd. The respòns Ym geting from frends is positiv. Y do hav pépel araund me hoo bileev in this. Evrywun seems to realyz that sócial netwerks doent fulfil ther civik pròmis. Brinning pépel togedder is not an end but a means ov profit. Moest bileev we hav to put up, but we doent. We can cum togedder as a comunity throo a lócal citisens netwerk. This is not a prívat iniciativ, but sumthing on a hyer level. Its a sócial netwerk as a publik servis. This is hwer ew can sócialyz freely indeed – the rest is a fars. Its tym to stand up to dérègulaeted sócial média and ther dissérvis to demòkrassy, human ryts and the ruel ov loa. Thee onlyn àbsolutizem must cum to an end. Hoo woud liv in a city hwer evry street is prívatly oend? It woud be a plaes rueld by gannsters. We need färer plásses. Its a duty ov the staet to oepen a publik street. It dus that onlyn by creáting a publik netwerk as a sócial servis that genüinly brinns togedder rèsidents, grueps, biznesses and lets them be free: free from quontificácion, free from pérsonalyzd ads, free from toetàlitärian moderácion. The contract bitween citisens and the staet is put bak on trak widdaut the barier ov a prívat cumpany ryt in the midel. Dons státment maed me lawf, but for a goud réson: pépel shoud think mor deeply abaut ther assóciácion widd sócial média.

16. i. 2023. Y wos stùdying navigácion erlier, reeding abaut the calculácion ov latitued and longuitued. The mathemàtiks was ésier than expected. It remynded me ov my skoul tym. Fisiks and kèmistry wer my werst dissiplins. Y wos slytly beter at byòloggy. The constitucion ov the human body amáses me. Y lernt gladly abaut aur órganizem and its cels, próteens, enzyms, lipids, karbohídrats, as wel as geens and gènessis. And yet, sins my nolecg ov kèmistry wos pur, Y didn feel encùraggd to delv ferdder. As for maths, my best perfórmans wos at geòmetry, and trigonòmetry wos survívabel. Yv never understoud lògariddms. My interest, hawever, is undiminisht. It helpt me imènsly to reed Alfred North Whiteheads introduction, a màsterpees. My deelinns widd filòssofy hav convinst mee, agen and agen, that the mathemàtikal foundácions ov résoning must not be neglected. My relácionship widd maths is therfor wun ov lyf-long lerning. Y cawnt sae the saem ov fisiks, thoe Y woent exclúd the possibility ov futur lerning, shoud my confidens in maths imprúv. As for byòloggy, Y bicum mor awear ov it as Y get oelder. Ym therty six yers oeld, my body is bigining to aegg. Ànalysing its functions, Y see my metàbolizem chaingg. Y put on waet mor ésily if Y neglect my díet. My skèletal sistem is probably my weekest point. On thee udder hand, the palpitácions Y uezd to hav throoaut my twentys hav gon. Exercyz has helpt. It started widd daely woaks. Nau Y do eróbiks evry singel dae in the morning, a religgios praktis. My braen is grátful for the fresh blud cérculaeting. My nurològgikal sistem must be strong too. But to keep my bely in chek Y need abdominals too or three tyms a week. Y uezd to swim, but for it to maek a diferens wun needs a degree ov páciens and wilpower biyond my cápabìlity. Medicin has atracted quyt a few in my family. That mae be the réson that Y wonted to be diferent. And yet, in meny waes my interests and ambicions miror my laet fawdders.

19. i. 2023. Y havn been autsyd todae, thoe the wedder wos stuning. From my delicat windoe Y caut a rair glimps ov Vénus at dusk, just abuv Butser Hil, widd Júpiter pròminent in the senter ov the sky. Y hav been louking for the Bloo Bouk. Y didn fynd it in the Schumann Y plaed this awfternoon, widd my oen hands, nor did Y fynd it in the maths Y lernt bifor, nor in thee Inglish Y toat eevn bifor. Y loukt for it in the memory ov my gràndfawdder taeking me to the Nolde muséum, cloes to a nau distant Denmark on a suny dae, wen the Scandinávian sky ov Juen mergges in the border bitween bloo and wyt. The Bloo Bouk wos not amung the flowers. That trip wos perhaps the lawst we touk togedder. Y miss that dae, Y miss the sky, and Y miss the pépel hoo wer alyv on that dae.

24. i. 2023. My brudder sent me an artikel on chatbots and Y sheard my vues. Wyl much ov ChatGPT wil be uezd in problemàtik and questionabel waes, inclúding akadèmik essay-ryting and polìtikal lobying, thee educácional benefits for thee averagg citisen, especialy in rural or íssolaeted äreas, wil be tremendos. Sumwun lyk me, hoo is oalwaes treying to praktis and imprúv his bássik mathemàtikal nolecg, nau has a credibel chàns ov lerning mor àcuratly. This chat is an activ bouk. Oal bouks weev noen ar passiv: ew read them in the hoep thael awnser yor question. If thae doent, ew hav to louk ferdder. In an activ bouk, hawever, yur not at the bouks mercy. Ew start reeding, and shoud ew not understand sumthing, ew just awsk mor specificly and the chat wil tel ew. This bot, for oal its wurying aspects, is nuthing less than a toaking bouk, or a milion ov toaking bouks in wun. Y am exíted. Thee aegg ov exclusion, in wich pépel hoo cawnt pay a prívat teecher ar sègregaeted from nolecg, is cuming to an end. Soe is probably my tym as a prívat on-lyn tutor, but doo Y kear? Louk hau meny windoes this invencion is oepening for the wun dor it cloeses! Yl fínaly imprúv my mathemàtikal thinking widdaut being embàrast at my stupidity. Hwot abaut my creátiv werk as a póet and proez ryter? Is ChatGPT thee end ov lìteratur? Fuk lìteratur! It is a mistaek ov civilysácion that we ar mor infàtuaeted widd ryting than we shoud. As a man ov prolifik ryting, Y stand by wot Y roet in my spìritual leter on comunicácion. Weer far too much in luv widd this supózd art ov ryting. The new bot wil be a lesson for this century: apréciácion for the form ov ryting is fyn, but the biter trooth is that content maters mor. It is therfor very pértinent that this aplicácion has arívd to maek a mokery ov lìteratur and aur opìnionaeted values, thee entíer “much ado abaut nuthing” that surounds aur deelinns widd the werd and obfuscaets the quest ov greater thinns: the poètik styl, the novelistik styl, the jernalistik styl, thee akadèmik styl. This is thee artificiality that ChatGPT unwitingly denóunces, and wot a blessing that it dus! Thees ar not skils mankind shoud be praud ov. Thae hav nuthing to ad to wot and hoo we ar. Mae Y be excúzd for the Platònik ekoes ov my “bad ryting”, but Yd rawdder maek myself cleer: we need less styl and mor content. Oh, it wos abaut tym for meny a presumptios werd usérper to be put in ther plaes. Thee írony is that, by redúcing creátiv ryting to abserdity, ChatGPT mae pruev to be a graet servis to lìteratur.

25. i. 2023. Y doen noe hau to tel enywun abaut the Bloo Bouk. Noebody wil bileev me. It stil feels lyk yesterdae wen Y held that moest precios werk widd my oen hands at Sherborn Aby. Daes laeter, the bouk had dissapeerd. It vanisht as mistëriosly as it shoed itself that eevning. Y am wun ov the few hoo red it in modern tyms. Y wos entrusted widd a rair tresur to be sheard, for the benefit ov hawf ov the werld, yet: widdaut the sors at hand péple wil hav to taek my werd. Wil thae? Y dout meny wil. Goud thinns ar hapening, thoe. Y red abaut Henry VI erlier. The cauz ov his ilness shal never be noen. This morning, Y revisited thee aeth bouk ov Pláto’s Republik for my spìritual leter to Don, wich Ym abaut to start awfter a long gestácion. It wil be my ferst májor ryting on polìtikal filòssofy sins Emily and the Hermit. Apolo is the simbol Yv adopted for my músikal praktis. Playing the piano has been mor plesant sins Y started regarding it as a servis to the god, rawdder than a quest ov exelens. Yl never exel, and Apolo noes my skil is werthless, but he dusn kear. The Foibos is a demânding god, wun hoo needs to be payd homagg. He acts in unpredictabel waes wen wership is denéyd. Thus Y cultivaet very kearfuly, in my praktis, my relácionship with Apolo Simbol, as god and logos.

26. i. 2023. A slyt chaingg in my weekly popcorn ritual wil maek a huegg diferens, námly the bevragg. For sum tym Y enjoyd my can ov coek. But thee amount ov suigar that my udderwyz unacustumd body had to taek wos such that my teeth aekt the next morning. Thats just hau much poison that bludy drink has. Yesterdae, Y boat a pak ov beer for the Sundae rècipy, a staek and ael stu. Then Y touk a louk at it and new it: thats wot Y had to trey. Thae sae noe amount ov alcohol is saif. But noe amount ov enything is saif. Ùltimatly, evrything we inggèst is poison, its an agression ov the werld agenst aur body: quod me nutrit me destruit. Thee oenly diferens amung the substances is that sum wil kil us mor sloely than udders. We taek them awae from nátur to stil aur stumak, and náturs revèngg is aur destruction by the food we eet. Yet beer at leest sounds less dánggeros than sóda, bicoz its preparácion is less artificial. Y trust Y can survív drinking a forhundred mìliliter can wuns a week widd my popcorn. The fat Y gain Y bern by paying homagg to Hermes, ofering him the karbohídrats. Ym doing abs three tyms a week, and redy to ad mor worm-ups. My body has bicum mor resilient sins Y aded an extra weekly session. Fórtunatly, Y woent get dyabétes from my Yrish beer, and the sàturaeted fat Y inggèst, if Y drink too much, is zëro point foor percent. Y doent sprinkel sault on the popcorn, wich touk tym to get uezd to. Oliv oil and oregàno ar fantàstik opcions. Its the gráted cheez that ads a mor sávory hint.

15. ii. 2023. Awfter yers ov planing and hesitácion, fínaly my pilgrimagg to Cànterbury wil taek plaes in Ápril. Y hav invíted daems and nyts, and sum hav shoen interest. Wedder thae wil join me is anudder question. Martin seemd färly enthusiàstik, Paul wos welcuming too. Thee informácion Y recévd from the kathédral ofis surprízd me for its amount ov detael. The respòns to my enquíery had such positiv toens that it felt lyk spìritual suport. The pilgrimagg trust has a úsful syt for sumwun in need ov sànctuary for the jerny. The too opcions ar the Pilgrims Wae, starting from Winchester, and the less noen Oeld Wae, from Sauthampton, wich seems to províd mor sànctuarys. Y certanly need a sleeping bag and a tent, as Y doent think Yl fynd acomodácion evry singel nyt. Its a long jerny ov too to three weeks. Widd sum luk the wedder wil plae its part and help. My maen meels wil be ry bred widd spreds such as humos, marmyt and tapenad. Yl by fruets and salad along the wae. The landscaeps, Y hoep, wil ofer pees, curagg and inspirácion. Y louk forword to this as a wae ov giving thanks for my enriching dècaed in the nythoud, and oalsoe as a pawth ov conciliácion widd the jerny ov the meny generácions that woakt along that ruet bifor me, in serch of sumthing butiful.

17. ii. 2023. As expected, the county council dismìst my propósal for the citisens netwerk. Thae doent hav the muny and the resórces, or soe thae sae – doent thae oalwaes? The reactions from biznisses hav been mixt. Pépel doent seem to get the point. Sum sae oenly few woud trust the stait and shear dáta lyk naem and adrèss. Its yrònik. Ther soe afraed ov the stait that thae trust Facebook and OnlyFans mor than the gùverment. Sum argu ther ar too meny regulácions. Wel, this is a question ov mentality. Oenly heer is this an issu. Péple doent wont on-lyn regulácion, or eny regulácion. See brexit. In this regárd, thee initiativ wil fynd mor fertyl graund in the Nordik cuntrys. Udders sed thers noe incèntiv to join such a platform as Ym puting forword. But thats bicoz the benefits ar mor abstract and dificult to grawsp at ferst syt, eevn thoe thae maek a tremèndos long-term diferens. Yet sum ov this krìtisizem is fair: moest pépel ar, indeed, unenlytend. Thae wont to foloe evrywun els. A citisens netwerk woent apél to a majority, at least not at the bigining. Orgànik funding wil be a problem. Thats wy it cawnt emérgg as a comunity-run initiativ. It has to aryz as a publik servis hevily advertyzd. If evry lócal rèsident recévs a leter introducing the servis, the impact wil be much graeter than Jon Doe and Y treying to sel it as a prívat enterpryz. The British, God bless, ar too lethárggik to embrás this kynd ov pròject colectivly. Its lyk the German saying goes: wot the farmer dusn noe he dusn by. Ym aproeching loa-maekers in Scandinávia, and lets see if thael taek thee oportunity. To achév sërios goels its best to werk widd cuntrys that cawnt claim lak ov resórces as an excues to leav thinns undun.

18. ii. 2023. This hav Y red. Wen Aldhelm bicaem bishop ov Sherborn, he gadderd his skolars and oal that coud ryt and adrèst them: “The Lords werd must be proclámd in ryting. Yet sins oenly few in this cuntry stil speak Latin, we mustn shun from using this Inglish tung in aur leters. As Y see it nau, and as ew noe, this tung is nydder spoeken nor riten widd a sens ov order, but God on hy must be praizd widd glory, oal els is werth nuthing. Thus the langüagg that práses must be glorios too, not oenly in hau we speak, but in speling alyk. Yna, the píos king, wonts Gods pépel to be rueld by loa: the pépels langüagg needs loa as wel. Just as Seint Péter hoelds the kee to heven, ew shal recév the kees to a tresur that wil bicum, as Y soa in a hoely dream, the wun tung ov thee Inglish. Nau Ecgbert, ov oeldest Saxon stok, póet and Gods man: yors wil be thee Anglo-Saxon kee. Taek evry werd ov Nordik origin and devíz an orderd speling. Let the saem sound fynd the saem leter. Clarentius, noe Saxon noes Latin beter than ew, nau let yor tym in Roem cum to goud ues. Devíz a speling ryt to be obzérvd for each Latin werd that enters aur muddertung. Let them be riten as werds wich thee Inglish family has adòpted yet stil louk Latin. It is bad styl that Róman loenwerds and ther Saxon siblinns shoud be spelt in lyk maner. But ew, Theodòros, shal hoeld the Greek kee, for nun in this relm has màsterd Greek as wel as ew, from an erly aigg. Yors be the stronnest kee, bicoz nuthing must braek the Gospelss langüagg. Nuthing must defét Greek. Wotever werd enter aur speech, if it be traest bak to Greek, it shal obzérv the Greek kee, wedder it cums via Latin or eny udder langüagg. Thees three kees, and a foorth that mae be given laeter, wil be the cornerstoen ov evry Inglish ryting in this my skoul ov Sherborn. Generácion awfter generácion shal uez and adàpt it, that God mae be praizd in aur tung widd buty, werld widdaut end.” It hapend in the yer 705, as riten in the Bloo Bouk. The hoely man pronóunst it.

19. ii. 2023. The comunicácion teknòloggy ov aur aegg maeks thee autbraek ov wors mor dificult, bicoz moest wors aryz from escalácions baest on misunderstandinns and comúnicativ braekdauns, wich in tyms ov glóbalyzd sócial média ar neerly impossibel. Ydeòloggy, hawever, stil acóunts for much iracional tension, as we can see in the curent Ukránian conflict, and aolsoe in Chynéz authoritärianizem. Thus the possibility ov a largg-scael wor canot be exclúded, and the pròspect ov a májor mìlitary confrontácion, oalbeït unlykly, oat to be còntemplaeted. In trooth, it has never been soe ésy to avért an armd deggenerácion ov internacional tensions. But history, if tyms mae be compärd, has witnest udder arms raeces, and weev seen hwer thae ended. Given hau much anger boeld actions hav cauzd, the temptácion ov rash decisions is quyt atràctiv, but the gratificácion from bombastik and destrùctiv acts is short-livd and províds noe fínal solucion, if such an expression be stil acceptabel, to ireconcílabel ydeològgical conflicts. Thae leed to a looz-looz situácion ésily regrèted wen awfter sum breef and katastròfik eufória new sobríety sets in. Ew mae decíd to remüv a pròblem by using a nuclear wepon, oenly to fynd aut yor wepon remüevd not oenly the pròblem but a part ov the werld widd it. The réson such wepons ar counterprodùctiv is that the destruction thae leev bihynd is noe incèntiv to dominácion. The bássik mótivácion ov wors is to extènd sum kynd ov ruel or subjugácion to a conkerd teritory and its pépel, or to explór its natural resórces. Thus wen the wepon destróys not oenly the ruler, but aolsoe the populácion and nátur, it deféts the very purpos ov wor. So that the spirit ov evry wor, hawever unjust it be, is incrést power oever udders, hoos indiscriminat exterminácion woud bring noe benefit. Thee írony ov haetred is that the kwiker its target is aníelaeted, the mor frustrácion thee execucion brinns, for the target is gon but haet remáns alyv in the perpetuácion ov memory. Awer enemys, therfor, ar indestructibel, and wor creys ar nyév. Thers noe wae araund coezzìstens. Yet wedder fanatik leeders wil foloe this résoning to thee end is anudder question, soe we must be redy for a nuclear atàk, yes, redy to dy: noe dràma, noe panik. And we shoud be redy to fyt, ov cors, if wor is broat to aur dorstep – and if cums to this, we must fyt not oenly for self-defèns, but for the remüval ov hostyl regimes as wel: iliberal, authoritärian, unconstitucional, undemokràtik, dictatorial, tirànikal. Noe stait is free to chuez such forms ov gùverment, and noe stait is oblíggd to toleraet ther ezzìstens in udder cuntrys widd thee internacional, nae univérsal thret that cums from them hwerever thae aryz. The prímassy ov constitucional demòkrassy is univérsal, and it is abuv the ryt ov self-determinácion ov eny pépel, precízly bicoz self-determinácion can oenly be fouly realyzd in a constitucional demòkrassy.

28. iii. 2023. It wos ìnteresting to read Bertrand Russels essay In Praiz ov Ydelness and fynd soe meny comon points widd my spìritual leter to Don, Peas and Socíety. Remarcably, the filòssofers contribucion wos publisht nynty yers agoe. Bak then he wos oalredy arguïng for a foor-hower werk dae and démìstifeying the hard-werk narativ. Russel new much ov German ydìalizem. Kant regàrds werk as a duty, but his nócion is diferent from the pictur ov werk as coérst toiling. Y goe ferdder than this. Y defènd unlimited lesur for evry citisen, at least in terms ov evolúcionary ambicion. Y woud coal it a humanistik necessity. Hau to get ther is irelevant, as long as thee evolúcionary ambicion is suficiently strong. Y bileev Yl see the bigining ov a moest positiv, humán metamórfossis in werk relácions stil in my lyftym. Ryting this leter is pruving to be a unék expëriens. Its plaes amung its spìritual siblinns is bicuming mor pròminent than Y had envìsaggd.

07. iv. 2023. The nyt ov oal flowers wos woaking in the maggik forest, wear the delicat mertel hyds its sent. We stopt by the laek (Y wos widd him) to contemplaet thee unforgetabel peas, for the berds wer sinning and the werld wos nuthing els. Awer serch ov the Bloo Bouk broat us to a carpet ov bloo bels, streching as far as thee y coud see. Thae toak abaut such a carpet bifor the hiden entrans. But the mertel, ah, hau butiful... the sent ov heven. Hau can the mertel, not being a plànt ov the north, groe and thryv in this Inglish forest? We loukt at eech udder and wunderd. Thers a special buty in the wyt flowers. Y doen noe wot it is: maebe the charm ov simplicity. We keep cuming bak to the flowers, as if the sonns had not sung abaut eech ov them. Deep daun we noe that spring is nuthing new, and yet the hart lonns for it as if it wer the graetest tresur. This is wot hapens wen ew stop on the jerny to contemplaet a flower. Wot cums to mynd is the munk hoo bent daun to smel a lily and wos not alóud into heven: for he stoel a perfum that wos not given to him. Sum flowers, it seems, ar so pur that the meer human louk wil dessecraet them.

07. vi. 2023. The daes hav been soe butiful. This eevning, musik touk me bak to my chyldhoud. Y remèmber the ferst tym Y herd Chopin, aloen in thee awfternoon. Y had selècted an LP widd Polonaises. Y douted it coud tuch me mor than my encóunter widd Beethoven. Y didn noe wot Y wos abaut to heer. The ferst noets ov op. 26 fild the bedroom and a darkness never expërienst bifor cùverd my soel. Y had to stop the musik and think: Am Y saif? Y put the recórding on, agen, lae daun in bed and closed my ys. My eers abzórbd the hármony and my spirit wos a question mark, treying to fynd the border bitween serenity and sadness. Y felt helpless, afraed to surender and be hert. And yet widd cloezd ys and oepen winns Y floo, and my litel bed bicaem the kosmos. It didn mater Y wos its oenly inhabitant. This wos the ferst mistik hower ov my lyf, wen for a breef móment Y felt rèconcyld widd the sadness ov the univers. Y didn noe if this wos God, as Y eevn thoat ov Märy and soa in the mynd the shyn ov steind glaws, or if Y had reacht sum udder sfeer ov purity, hawever hevy and sóber. The musik finisht and Y wos fild widd the hiden waet ov oal thinns. Sad and butiful. Thees werds coud not leav my spirit. Then caem op. 53. It wos dens, intèns, it wos víolent lyk a thunder widdin. It oalmoest sounded groes. Yet Y lissend ferdder and the thunder groo its oen convìncing dynàmiks. It posèst me. It transláted the tempest into my soel. And Y wos caryd awae in its flud throo a convùlsiv weeping ov unexplaend teers biyond joy and pein. Thae wer the teers ov oal feelinns. If lyf has ever maed plaes for an órgazem biyond sex, it wos that dae, it wos thee èxtassy ov oal emócions fluded widdin themselvs and widd wun anudder. Y wos twelv yers oeld. Y woud lissen to op. 53 evry dae and crey, until it bicaem a ritual. Wun dae Y fínaly sat in the garden and torturd my hed: Am Y stil saif? Hau can the butiful be sad? Is it ryt to lissen to sad musik? Y consìderd leeving pandoras box bihynd, but then it wos oepen. Suprèssing wot had been woud not undo wot is. Y deféyd my instinct and decíded to embrás the new faund heritagg. Y had understoud that the buty ov thee univers coud not be grawspt widd honesty by denéying the delicat sadness ov beeing. And Y realyzd that must be troo ov human ezzìstens too.

08. vi. 2023. Hapiness is hwear Y am. Y sy as Y sit on my bed, louking at the maggik tree as the dæ darkens, and bihynd the tree the Sauth Dauns Yv wocht from this sæm annel for a dèkæd. The breez woaks throo my room lyk the smel ov thee unnœn, the cool drawft ov a sumer nyt born in the north wind, mixt widd the breth ov my litel ezzìstens. My ys wunder bitween the quíet fernitur and the dèssolat sky, abàndond by the sunset and devóid yet ov stars, lyk in a limbo that resèmbels thee àgony ov lyf bitween the dæ that precéds and the succéding nyt. Y am in this invisibel hæz, in my distìnguisht joy, heering the concerto. Not that Y rejóys in exprèssing my luv for trees and berds. Wordsworth did it bifor mee. Nor coud Y praudly ryt ov erban expëriences awfter Baudelaire, awfter pop and rap. My werds denóuns mee as an impòstor, thus my fait is sílens. Myn is the destiny ov thœs hoo hav the hart and lak the vois. The vois ov thear sufering wos stœlen by the ded, and the victory ov the ded has poisond the werld agenst mee. Y must ryt abaut the candel Y lyt as thœ nun had ever been, or nœ wun to lyt it, or nun hoo thoat ov it. My werds ar werth nuthing, bicoz Y did not invènt the fyer, and Chaucer has oalredy riten abaut the flowers. Butiful is the lyf that imitæts the wind ov the north, far awæ from evrything Y breedd. Yet hapiness is hwear Y am: despít the werld, Y am. Widd Brahms from the pàst, from the nyt that mæks me smyl and bee distrustful ov oal that smyls. The póet tœld me póetry has dyd. The tree ov trooth biyond the windœ is just a shadœ nau. Yet póetry has never livd. It is the cruël charm ov the pàst that invènted the ly, in thee empíer ov the few. The póetry ov the ded wos bearly nœn. The rest is the tree ov trooth suròunded by shadœs. The lord ov the werld nœ lonner defíns the póet and póetry is fínaly grànted deth: to ezzìst lyk the ded that woak amung us not seen nor herd, thœ meny wæv and shaut, hwyl udders amung the ded ar contènt widd being part ov the breth that leavs nœ werd bihynd. Its dark, the Sauth Dauns hav dissapeerd from my syt. Y louk at the sented mìstery as a man hoo nœs the bouk ov lyf is œpen, but the werds ov the werld ar ded. And the nyt is carèssing mee.

09. vi. 2023. Inspíerd perhaps by thee Anglo-Saxon ridels, the nyt ov the green laek awskt me to plae widd werds. Thus Y sy and sae: the lyer wil lae daun his líer awfter playing. Heel crey and his teer wil tear me apart. The herd has herd the hert sheperd. The cau has loukt at thee udder uder. The couk is having caek and coek. Thae by a byk by the roed and sae by-by. Thae boat a boet and beet the baet widd a boot, thae byt a bit, but the bat wil bet a bot on them. The bard widd a beerd and the berd on bord ar bord widd bord gaems. At skuel Y soa a skool ov fish. Ov cors the hors is cors as well. The bear and the bor had beer at the bar. Heer Y coudn heer the hear, Y soa the hear ov the hor and ran awae from her. Y caut the coet but caut a coeld and coald the coel míners. Y needed air on my eer wen thee air to the throen wos heer. In the raen, Y had free raen in the raen ov Henry ov Spaen. The king livd in the kinns cassel. The kinns livd in the kinnss cassel, thoe thae doent see thee yland. Y spoek to my too kinns too. Soe Y soa the soy on the soil wyl my sun soa the sun. Noe man wil noe the noen noet, the nun noes nun ov the munks. Is it ryt to ryt daun the Róman ryt? Y awsk and yet Y lawf and cawnt awnser. Awfter having bred, the broad brydgroom wil brood and breed the bryd in braed, oe deer! Y oat to eet thee oet Y aet at aet oclok. Wy boil a boal ov bael in byl? Wy is ferdder woe on its wae? The wae is foul ov faul plae, the fuel ran aut ov fuël, Y see the fyl in the foil: Y feel the foel wil foal and fael.

12. vi. 2023. Yet anudder version ov Totila is finisht. The discrepansy bitween the històrikal reality and my lìterary treetment ov the mater is blátant at tyms, but thee action requíerd it. Kàrakters such as Roderik and Procentius did not ezzìst, thear pur invencions ov my mynd. Y soat to giv my epik story a shyn ov plausibility, yet thear wos noe question ov tréying to uez póetry to conváy històrikal àcurassy. Wen it cums to sorces, oal waes lead to Procopius ov Caesarea and his Hìstory ov the Wors. Procopius acumpanyd Belisärius to Persia and Africa, possibly Italy as wel. Thus his tèstimony is invalubel as an y witness. Wedder he soa eny actual fyting ov the renóund general agenst Totila wil remán unnoen. Awfter Totilas defét, wen the patrician children ar massakerd, the histórian seems to impléy thae wer the kinns hostagges. Y descríb them in my werk as a skoul ov children Totila kept in his cort or neerby. Thee ezzàct cércumstances shal remán uncertan. Perhaps the king wos a síkopath, a bludthersty ruler úsing the children efectivly to teroryz the patricians and blakmael Justinian, thee Emperor. Or maebe thear wos a charm ofènsiv bihynd the müev, and Totila wos trooly imbued by the intencion ov creáting a new Róman-Gothic elét on Italian soil. The moest lykly senärio lys inbetween. The deth ov thees children wil hav còntributed to the traumàtik memory the Goths left in thee Italian aristòcrassy, taenting històrikal depiccions from Gregory the Graet onwords widd a negativ bías. Yet patricians and senators oalwaes had a tuf tym in Roem, regardless ov the ruler. Thee unriten story is hau the Goths treeted the lower sócial clàsses, wear thae wer mor lykly to hav faund supórt. Procopius givs hints ov goud relácions bitween merchants, pesants and the Gothic kinns at the start ov the wor. Sum histórians eevn presènt Totila as a revolúcionary, wyl udders regárd him as a foil for Procopius. Oal vertues he ascríbs to Totila woud be hiden krìtissizems ov wot Justinian lakt.

14. vi. 2023. Tomoroe Yl meet the nyt ov the brigg and giv him a copy ov the spìritual leter Ym dèdicáting to him. Yv expóunded my polìtikal thëry in it, and Y gess it wil leev a mor powerful impact than thee udder leters. The red nyt wos soe imprèst hees nau reeding the trétis agen. At tyms Y thoat Y wos aut ov my depth, and yet it feels lyk the best Yv riten. Elswer, Y discùss thee arguments ov udders. Yet the welth ov original thinking and concepts Y can fynd in my text, as Y reed and rereed it, is quyt astonishing. Thee anti-dikaiomàtik dylèma, the dynàmik falassy, thee agrément-cùvenant duality, the hoely spirit ov conciliácion, the spìritual elét, perfeccionist clensing, thee anti-eluthèrik dylèma, thee internacional parlament, spìritual comunity and certanly pantòcrassy ar thërètikal distinccions Yd noen in myself, intúitivly, but puting thoat to werds creáted sumthing new, and this is surprísing, sins the topik oenly seems to tuch spìrituality ìndirectly. Thee apërans wos misleeding. The mor Y roet daun my thoats, the mor Y bicaem awear ov hau ìntricatly my understanding ov pòlitiks is reláted to the cor ov my spìritual lyf. This is wy Y maed a point ov finishing widd a discussion on spìritual comunity as a polìtikal cel. Awfter the dark contemplácion Y set daun in my leter to the daem of the streem, on thee awfterlyf, the coal for assètissizem and wot woud seem to meny a rejection ov the sócial valu ov human lyf, it wos cleer Y had to complement that widd a leter dèdicaeted to the polìtikal meening ov lyf in comunity, boeth for thee individual and for socíety.

22. vi. 2023. Ym just cuming bak from the heeth, awfter bilaetedly cèlebraeting the sumer solstis widd frends. Cloes to the sunset eestwords, we saw the moon and Vénus. A breez from far awae wos blowing as we sat in frunt ov the laek oeverlouking the maggik hil. Its goud wen sumers ar not taeken oever by heet. We had stroaberys widd huny and yogurt. Y had pepermint tee in the flawsk. Litel móments. Its wot saivs lyf from itself. A goud wae to finish the dae awfter soe much werk for the revû. Y am tyerd. But Ym surprízd at hau kwikly Y coud pout it togedder this tym. Foor weeks agoe Y didn noe wot to expèct for the sumer edicion. And nau Y hav foor contribucions apart from my oen in Latin, including from a new ryter, an on-lyn frend. It wil be soon seven yers sins Y started the revû. Y cawnt cleim it left an impact on the werld, but wot it did to mee is goud enuf. Louking at Vénus a few minuts agoe remynded me ov my Latin pees: the godess punishes thoes hoo eschû the gifs ov sexuality she bistoes on eech ov us. This and the woek topiks wil províd powerful reeding. Ym glad ther wil be a conflict ov constrâsting opinions. The pròject mustn bicum a predictabel mix ov polìtikal pamflets. Varíety ads depth to cultural debát.

27. vi. 2023. The hoely manuscript is aut, delìverd throoaut the nythoud. My chyld, the werk Y gaev berth to. Wot straingg sweet joy, and wot butiful edicion. Tym is a funy thing. It wil be seven yers sins Y started. Y coud never imàggin it woud go soe far. And yet it has. The mistery. My werk. My lyf. Wot doutful contribucion, thoe. The manuscript is bearly noen. Noe faem, noe recognicion, but ah, the jerny, the feeling... wot privilegg to cloez my ys tonyt and breedd widd serenity: Yv dun it. Not to chaingg the werld, not to saiv the planet, pur mee. But to dy in peas. My werk is butiful. Y luv it soe much. Pépel shoud foloe thear hart, as Y hav. Wot gifts Ym nau recéving from ezzìstens for dearing: for Y deard to bileev in the Stoik írony ov a draem. And the hoely manuscript is aut, aut, aut. Go, my chyld, fly amung the stars and dissapeer, and waet for mee. Lets bicum dust togedder sum dae soon, the dust that is smoal and carèsses the fais ov the stars. It is goud to be nyév and be redy to dy. It is goud to oepen my windoe and let the breez in, breedding as sumwun hoo breethd his lawst and smyld. Tomoroe is my berthdae. Let the stars suróund me, and let the musik ov the nyt be heer.

03. vii. 2023. My new jerny is Schumanns musik. Yv decíded to lissen to evry singel ópus he publisht. The lawst few daes hav been intèns. Yv discùverd the Lieder, ah, thae broat me bak to that awfternoon wen Y herd Schumann for the ferst tym. It wos the Karneval. Y lissend to thee intimat peeces and Y new Y woud luv that man for the rest ov my lyf. Cuming from the contemplácion ov Chopins werld, heering Schumann wos a rèvelácion: thoes mèlodys wer soe unbeleevably simpel and tuching. Y didn hav a weeping fit as wen Y met Chopin. It wos such aw that coud not be exprèst by teers. Yv never lernt to exprèss it, my werds ar just as uesless. Ym remynded ov the Montaigne essay on sadness Y red todae: the troo graetness ov emócions is too deep for the frálty ov teers. Schumann is soe meny feelinns togedder that lyf is ashaemd ov its shyn. Lyf is just a müving body. Hwot do Y do wen hapiness is heer but my body canot tuch it? The buty ov my lyf lys on thinns that ar deep insyd wot Y am but ar not myn. Then Y doen noe wot Y am and wot my müving around is abaut.

26. vii. 2023. Its raening nau, a cool sumer nyt as Yv rärly seen. Bak wen Y was seventeen, Y thoat to myself wuns in the train stácion by the sea: thers nuthing mor filossòfikal than a suden fresh dae. Hau troo. It is refrèshing wen the wedder terns coelder than forcawst, a serén surpríz for the hart. Y remèmber hau Y luvd, and stil doo, the conträst ov green and grae on a raeny sumer nyt, as Y woakt hoem under the quíet kànopy ov trees and clauds. Thoes wer hapy yers, alyv in the mynd forever. Thae sae this has been the hotest yer on rècord. Ingland hasn been tucht by the heat. This is in fact the coolest sumer Yv seen, and the best. Its given me a taist ov wot it wos lyk in the nynteenth century, bifor klímat chaingg. Y mae never see such a cool sumer agen. Or Y mae see eevn coelder wuns. If the gulf stream colàpses, as it wel mae, this plaes wil bicum a freezer. Tonyt its just raening, the wind blowing drops on the Bloo Bouk throo the windoe. Tomoroe Yl woak in the distant forest, far awae and contènt, not needing the werld, aloen in the raen.

23. viii. 2023. Ym reeding Mores Utopia agen, rédiscùvering a feloe dissípel ov Pláto and meny similaritys widd Emily and the Hermit. Its such a modern bouk. Ym surprízd Henry VIII coud toleraet the veild krìtissizems. Remarcably, thee author decréys sócial inequolity and thee exploitácion ov the pur in oalmoest Marxist terms. The memory ov the Hundred Yers Wor defét must hav been very alyv. The reflection on Noelandia, that it is beter to gùvern wun kinndom ew can keep than too in káos, is èvidently a rèferens to thee Inglish travaels ov war that depléted the cuntrys resórces for nuthing. It touk an intérnal wor and quyt a few dècaeds to realyz that Frans woud not be Inglish. Not that the conflict started as a wor ov nácions. Edward III, hoo inìciaeted it, did not eevn speak Inglish. Hostility bigan as an intérnal conflict bitween too French dìnastys. The fact that wun ov them rueld oever Ingland, and that its sóldiers did not regárd themselvs as French, wos irelevant. The kinns wer French, the stait wos a part ov Frans via the duekdom ov Normandy, thus tèknikly a vassal to the French croun.

27. viii. 2023. Aldhelm, pátron ov the Bloo Bouk, dyd in 709. His legassy livd on throoaut thee entíer century and infórmd the lócal werk ov scrybs in Wessex. It ezzérted sum influëns on thee expànding kinndom ov Mercia, eevn thoe cultural trends from Wessex wer often percévd as a thret. Biyond this, it wos not the maner ov thee Anglo-Saxons to taek to the riten werd. By 830, the skoul ov Sherborn had faund a powerful aley in king Ecgbert. In the dark howers ov Wessex under Mercian thret, the yung prins wos ezzíld in the cort ov Charlmaen. He witnest the Carolinggian Renássans and wotcht Charlmaen be cround the ferst Róman Emperor in the West for mor than three hundred yers. He lernt thee art ov gùverment at the hyest standard ov his tym. And he soa thee Emperors eforts to imprúv lìteracy, lerning, erudicion. He wos graetly imprèst by De Litteris Colendis, the decré that saivd Latin ryting from declín and paivd the wae for its survíval as lingua franca for aolmoest a thausand yers awfter its pròclamácion, a langüagg that servd Europs therst ov nolecg from Valafrid Strabos bouklet on gardening to Immanuel Kants doctoral dissertácion. Ecgbert soa the berth ov it. He caem bak and assúmd the throen widd the supórt ov the graetest monark ov his tym, Lord of the pépels in thee Áncent Róman sens. Yet Wessex wos not Francia. It wos a kinndom on the brink ov dissintegrácion, fyting for its lyf. The moest bássik foundácions had to be consòlidaeted. Ecgbert wos louking for enything that coud províd a sens ov unity. Hwen he bicaem awear ov the skoul ov Sherborn, he wos astònisht by the clarity ov its speling. An admírer ov Aldhelm, he had a vision for Wessex, but he wos not a man ov leters and lakt the resórces ov Charlmaen. It wos not the tym for refínd decrés on cultur and educácion. And yet the king embrást the skoul ov Sherborn. It bicaem the standard cort speling, the Winchester speling. He wos not ábel to enfórs it enywear els. Eevn in cort, very few documents wer prodúst, but thae shoe, in ther incréssing sens ov orthogràfik order, a kinns vision for his pépel bigining widd the pépels langüagg. Ecgbert plànted and quíetly woaterd a seed that woud blossom hawf a century laeter under the patronagg ov a myty leeder. It fel to Alfred the Graet, indeed, to tern Winchester ryting into Wessex ryting. By 900, the speling ov the Bloo Bouk, Aldhelms legassy, had been estàblisht as the best in Inglands moest lerned langüagg: the speling ov thee Anglo-Saxon krònikel.

02. ix. 2023. Yv just red in the press Cóvids cuming bak, new väriant. Y havn worn a màsk for mor than a yer. Cíens and medicin, yood expèct by nau, woud hav the situácion under contról, but the cásses ar soring. The vírus can ésily mutát and evád the vaccin. Thee oenly hoep is it wil bicum mor harmless evèntualy, as it hapend widd flu. Reserchers needed a long tym to understand the mèkanizems ov coronavírus and the sors ov transmission. And heer we sit and wonder hau it coud cum to this. Y woudn be surprízd to noe sumthing went rong in a Chynéz lab. Y remèmber my tym at skoul, byòloggy clàss: is a vírus a living being? That ferst contact widd the limitácions ov cyentifik definicions had a graet impact on me. Soe far Yv had three jabs and thear wos toak ov a forth injeccion, but Y wos never invíted to recév anudder jab. The pandèmik províded ìnteresting yet sad insyts into sum destrùctiv forces ov colèctiv lyf. The deníalizem, the rejeccion ov nolecg, the refúsal to co-operaet hwyl puting udder pépels lyvs at risk, oal maeks me think ov Kant and his faild hoeps that thee Enlytenment woud tríumf. Noe, thee Enlytenment has faild its sócial mission. Dánggeros mediocrity and obscúrantizem evrywear, mor unapologgètik than ever, ignorans as a cauz not ov shaem but actualy pryd in thee anti-humanist divisions ov tríbal bilonning.

19. x. 2023. Y spent three weeks in the north. The trip wos soe prodùctiv. Y rebilt a brigg to my akadèmik lyf, and the pròspect ov reserch exíts me. Awfter yers ov sílens, Y met noen fáces agen and wos recévd widd much kyndness. Y eevn gaev professor K. a copy ov the hoely manuscript. Its smel ov maggik is fàssinaeting. Henry VI and the nythoud ov the Bloo Bouk saunds lyk a werddy topik, but the sorces wil be skears and ambiguos. The 1793 bouklet ov patriotik sonns from the French revolucion is équaly càptivaeting. Thee origginal ydia wos to discùss the curent stait ov reserch on the 1848 revolucion, but the professor didn seem imprèst. Then Y went to Denmark and stoud on the feeld ov the Batel ov Dybbøl. The wind wos inclèment, the dae wos dark, the drizel coeld, but wot an unforgetabel landscaep. Y woakt aloen amung the memorial stoens on the graws as the wind wipt a majestik tree mor butiful than on that Bergman film. The sea bihynd the dark green loukt lyk a dark dream, and bihynd the sea the mist cùverd the land. Wot a privilegg to hav been aloen in the wind, myself and the red-wyt flag, for the flag standing hy and strong bicaem, at least for a móment, a feeling. It wos a somber dae indeed, Y woudn hav thoat the bigining ov Octóber coud be soe autum-lyk eevn in the sauth ov Denmark. And yet Y wos at peas, in my oen element. Y wish that dae, the wind, the landscaep coud lawst lonner. The bus jerny to the German syd wos divín. Y wos taeken abak by such sénery: prety hausses, certanly, but moestly the nátur spoek to my soel. It maed me praud ov ezzìsting. Y visited Flensburg anudder dae widd mor tym, the Nordic air, thee intimat darkness, thee oeld cherch wear Y sat and lissend to Bach. Traveling throo the north givs me soe much rèconciliácion widd lyf. Then Y soa the daem ov the lily a bit ferther sauth: we toakt abaut lyf and the meny leters bitween us. The children luv me, and Y luv them too. Three daes ov imersion widd a special frend can redém a lyftym. Throoaut my trains, Y lissend to Tristan and Isolde and còntemplaeted, at the saem tym, the buty ov the feelds and the new fáces that fil wot has bicum ov Germany – fáces from oal oever the werld. At tyms Y wunder abaut the futur: Wil the heritagg survív, wil cultur be butiful wen Ym noe lonner heer to see it? But Germany must fynd her oen fait. A nyt ov the Bloo Bouk is not given the luxury ov speculácion. Y am condèmd, and this is my blessing, to see the saem human dignity bihynd evry fais and evry mynd. Sumhau, cultur and nátur, nácion and history must maek plaes, if we wont peas ov mynd and peas in deth, to the fraggility ov thoes diferent fáces. The graetness ov a cultur, the special lyt that distinguishes it from oal udders, canot consìst in the contèmpt ov udders for the saek ov buty and civilisácion. A cultur ov wich thee art dus not rèconcyl mankynd widd thee universal frálty, noe mater hau imprèssiv the matërial shyn ov its creácions, is werth nuthing. It ends in thee anthropològgikal ly ov an Ausschwitz murderer sinning the práses ov Bach and Beethoven.

06. xi. 2023. Ym in bed widd a coeld, quyt weak, my noez horibel awfter such a bad nyt, and very tyerd but not on antibyòtik, hoeping its not Cóvid. It wos goud to see a doctor abaut my feer ov tablets. She gaev me an ezzercyz: to taek a smoal vitamin-D tablet widd a smasht banâna. Yv oalwaes been afraid ov choeking, oe, Y wish Y coud choo evry tablet, but Ym sloely gáning confidens. My ferst atèmpts at inggèsting medicin widd woater wer pròmissing. Udder than news ov my boring helth, my récent artikel on cultur and prèjudis has droan much atencion. As a reeder hoo is oalsoe a doctor remárkt, thear mae be byològgikal résons as wel as anthropològgikal for thee endèmik kàrakter ov prèjudis in evry cultur. He suggèsted its intrìnsik to mamals, but Ym not shür prèjudis can be obzérvd empìrikaly in eny gruep ov animals. Y had a very enlytening conversácion widd ChatGPT abaut sócial média stràteggys, and my prófyls ar much imprúvd awfter oal the concrét advís. Y hav a new hedlyn, a sùmary and a cohërent pósting rutén. A degré ov varíety is not káos: the prys ov consìstency canot be esthètik monòtony.

08. xi. 2023. Y spent the dae ryting leters on värios maters and lìteratur, as Ym re-reeding Matthew Arnolds Cultur and Ànarky. Hwot a mind! He sumd up evrything Yv oalwaes thoat ov Britan. The nócions ov Fìlistinizem, Hébraïzem and doing as wun lyks descríb quyt strykingly hwot Y see in this corner ov Ingland on a daely bássis. It resonátes deeply widd mee hwen he decréys thee aversion to authòrity, the stuborness ov ignorans disguízd as vertu, that prevènted thinns lyk an Inglish Akàdemy from ezzìsting. The laeter, hoely unfortunat, expansion ov the British Empíer oenly servd to proliferaet provìncializem and parókialisem throoaut thee Inglish-speeking werld. Hwot maed the British soe, thee Inglish in particular? My speculácion so far is that the civil wor and Cromwells comonwelth tráumatyzd the publik, hoo awfter the rèstorácion delìverd itself to a steit ov passiv-agrèssiv ireverent indùlggens entíerly sìnikal abaut polìtikal, moral, cultural, spìritual authòrity. Thee atitued wos pàst daun throo generácions, until it cùlminaeted in the Brexit voet. Thee ergg to doo as wun lyks obviosly has no vision for Britan as a humbel teem player folowing internacional ruels. Unless thear convénient. Thee EU parlament is a thret to freedom, and soe is mygrácion. Thee oenly option is the dazling exèptionalizem that maeks pür Britan stand aut in splendid yssolácion as a beecon ov universal provìncializem.

09. xii. 2023. The lawst spìritual leter, the wun on trust, feith and bileef, Y finisht bifor my trip. Nau Yv riten the prèfas to the leters. It wos impórtant to clarifey, abuv oal, in hwich sens Y uez the werd spìritual. Weev cum to assóciaet it widd mistik, ezotèrik, mithològikal, eklesiàstikal conotácions, but thee original is simply mental and intelectual. spìritual is eny abstract ezzercion ov the spirit, i.e. ov the mynd. Y oalsoe had to explán hwy Y roet leters and not essays or artikels. The trooth is that moest genres ar contrívd. Oenly the leter givs ew tótal freedom to ryt as thee abolicion ov styl ov restriccion. In the saem leter Y can hav argumentácion, póetry, drama, narácion, ficcion, descripcion, the graetest varíety ov styls convérgging and constràsting togedder in a unék wae. Thoe my leters hav a filossòfikal dymension, Ym not ryting as a filòssofer and not puting forward a sistem. Y ànalyz the sykològikal and anthropològikal valu ov bileefs and pràktises generaly assóciaeted widd religion: prair, meditácion, feith, hoeliness. Y certanly put forward a critique, but Ym not on a mission to combat religion. Its abaut démìstifying bileefs and pràktises hwyl paeving the wae for religion as a positiv fors for mass conciliácion. This is the sens ov the leters on comunicácion, on peas and socíety, on sex. The leter on thee awfterlyf, on thee udder hand, is abaut metafìzikal disilusion. Eeven thoe we noe nuthing abaut thee awfterlyf, thee ethiks ov religion shoud be centerd on this lyf. My leters ar not lykly to pleaz enywun, nydder the fundamentalists nor the gurus ov átheizem. But evry religion wil oalwaes be best servd by thoes widd a moderat spirit, for the ultimat goel ov mass conciliácion canot be the fruet ov dògmatizem and fanaticizem. Despít oal the religion-bashing ov modernity, religion as Y see it has a bryt futur. Mor dificult is the situácion ov the bouk in its emàncipatory potencial, a problem on hwich Y oalsoe reflèct in the prèfas. My bouk is not lykly to maek an impact. It woent imprèss thee oeners ov thee industry. But hwot must be riten oat to be riten. Eevn if oenly aut ov Stoïk írony.